


What Is a Demon in Love with an Angel to a Vampire in Love with the Sun?

by juiceboxjellyfish



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Carry On Countdown (Simon Snow), Carry On Countdown 2019, Crossover, Established Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow, M/M, Pining Crowley (Good Omens), Prompt: Fandom Crossover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:54:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21824713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juiceboxjellyfish/pseuds/juiceboxjellyfish
Summary: Baz runs into Crowley and they bond over their surprisingly similar experiences.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 16
Kudos: 92
Collections: Carry On Countdown 2019





	What Is a Demon in Love with an Angel to a Vampire in Love with the Sun?

BAZ

It’s been gnawing at me all day. I thought I’d made a decision but actually committing to it, buying the ring and everything, makes it so real. So terrifying. Because despite everything, I still have a hard time believing that someone like Simon could love someone like me.

I’m so caught up in it that I don’t notice I’m in the street until I hear the car. It’s driving way over the speed limit, approaching me so fast I have no time to react. I’ve barely processed the sight before the tires screech as it makes a sudden turn and misses me by an inch. A tall, almost unbelievably skinny man climbs out of the car and pulls me out of the street, where I’m still frozen. 

“You okay?”, he asks.

“Crowley”, I exclaim. “I could’ve died! You nearly killed me!”

“Well, to be fair you were in the stree- wait. How do you know my name?”

“Your name? What are you on about? You nearly hit me with your car, and-”

“Why are you so hung up on the car thing? You’re fine! You said my name. How do you know my name?”

“I didn’t say your name!”

“But you did though. I asked you if you were fine and you said ‘Crowley I could’ve died you nearly killed me’. Have we met?”

“Wait. Your name is _Crowley?_ ”

“What d’you say it like that for? It’s a perfectly good name!” 

He genuinely sounds offended. I guess his name actually is Crowley.

“I just didn’t know there were people who were actually named Crowley. I use it as a swear.”

It’s not until I’ve said it that I realise I probably shouldn’t go around telling strangers I use their names as swears (seems a bit rude, doesn’t it?) but it’s too late now. And besides, he doesn’t seem offended. He looks delighted actually, like it’s the best thing he’s heard all day.

“Really?”, he asks and his tone confirms it – he likes the idea of his name being used interchangeably with phrases like “bloody hell”. To each his own, I suppose. 

“Well”, he says “you seem genuinely shaken by the whole ‘me almost hitting you with my car-thing’ (he says this part like I _shouldn’t be_ ) so I guess I should make it up to you. Tea?”

“Fine. But you’re not driving me anywhere.”

“Fair”, he states. I expect him to move the car (it would be a shame if it got towed – it’s a lovely 1933 Bentley in near-perfect condition) but he just gestures towards it with his hand. I hear it lock. 

“How did you-“ 

“It’s automated. Shall we go then?”

We stop in front of a bookshop I’ve probably walked past hundreds of times without noticing. According to the very confusing and irregular business hours listed on the door, it’s not open.

“Y’know, when you suggested tea I weirdly assumed we were headed to a café.”

“I know the owner, and I was dropping by anyway. Tea’s tea, isn’t it?”

“I don’t think it’s open.”

“Never is. He won’t mind. C’mon then”, he says, pushing the door open. It sets off a bell and a voice from somewhere within the store calls out to us.

“We’re closed!”

“It’s just me, angel”, Crowley responds. “D’you mind putting the kettle on? I’ve brought a guest.”

“I thought you said it was just you”, the voice responds. A white-haired man appears from behind a shelf. “He’s not a customer, is he?”

“Of course not. I nearly hit him with the car – which would’ve been fair enough considering he was in the middle of the street, completely unaware of his surroundings–“

“Hey!”

“Sorry. So I invited him over for tea to make up for it.” The man’s expression softens. 

“Oh, how nice of you dear!” 

Crowley blushes slightly. “I am not nice”, he almost hisses.

“Deep down”, the white-haired man responds, smiling fondly. Crowley’s ears are turning red. 

“I’ll go put the kettle on”, the other man says. 

“Bastard”, Crowley mutters at his back as he leaves, smiling just as fondly. 

Crowley shows me to the back of the shop, where there are two armchairs and a table. He splays his limbs over one of the chairs in a way that vaguely resembles sitting and gestures me to the other one. The tea’s already on the table, which doesn't seem like it should be possible. 

“You two are cute together”, I say, mostly to break the silence. Crowley chokes on a sip of tea, coughing scalding water on himself. 

“Oh, we’re not…“, he says once he can talk. 

“Oh, sorry! I assumed… because of the pet names. I shouldn't have-“

“No, it’s fine. I don’t mind.” We both sip our tea, not knowing what to say. The silence is too long to be comfortable.

“I wish we were”, Crowley admits quietly. I look up at him, admittedly somewhat confused. 

“Aziraphale and I”, he clarifies. “I wish we were… together.”

_Aziraphale_. Now that’s a hell of a name (which is a strong statement coming from me, Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch). Crowley’s staring at his tea, refusing to make eye contact with me. (I think. He’s wearing dark sunglasses.) I don’t think he meant to admit that.

“Does he know?”, I ask, deciding to act like this is a normal conversation to have with someone who just caused you a near death experience and doesn’t even know your name. 

“No. He can’t know, he’d never… we couldn’t…” He doesn’t finish the sentence. He doesn't need to. I see Simon in my head, the way I saw him at Watford, and it’s like someone’s stabbed me in the guts with a tiny but very sharp knife. 

“I know that feeling”, I say. He raises an eyebrow at me.

“I doubt it.”

“I do. I’ve been in love with the least convenient guy I could possibly have fallen for for years.”

“I’m sure it feels that way, but I assure you this is worse. We’re hereditary enemies.”

“You don’t look it.”

“No, we were never good at that. We get along far too well. But we’re supposed to be.”

“You’re lucky you get along. Our families hate each other, and we didn’t get along either. We were actually rivals, I was convinced he wanted me dead.”

“That’s closer to my situation than I was expecting. Why do you speak in past tense?”

“Oh, we’re together now. I’m actually… I’m planning a proposal.” 

“You can’t have been that good at rivalry either then.”

“No, I suppose we weren’t. But when we were still trying, it felt hopeless. I loved him for so long, thinking he was completely out of reach. I spent years agonising over it.” 

Crowley just manages to swallow his tea before bursting out in laughter at this. 

“What?”

“Years…”, he sighs, followed by a chuckle. “You think you pined for him for a long time, but you’re so young. Far too young to even imagine…”

“How long have you loved Az- Azi…”

“Aziraphale?”

“…Aziraphale. How long have you loved him?”

“Since the very first time we met.”

“When was that?”

“Before you were born.” 

Damn.

“And you haven’t told him? Surely he could handle it by now.”

“It’s more complicated than that.”

“Does it have to be? If Simon can love me, I’m sure Aziraphale could love you. At least you guys are friends.”

“We’re not supposed to be.”

“But you _are_. If he’s willing to defy whoever’s telling you guys to be rivals to be your friend, why would romance be any different? Why would he suddenly care then?”

Crowley’s just opened his mouth to respond when Aziraphale hurries around a corner and walks up to him.

“Crowley dear, I have a customer. I told her we’re closed but she wouldn't listen, and I think she’s gonna buy something. Could you-“ he glances over at me, like he just remembered my presence. “Could you help me? I can’t get her to leave!”

“I’ll be there in a minute, angel.”

Aziraphale leaves and Crowley turns back to me.

“Thoughts on giant snakes?”

“What?”

“Giant snakes. Thoughts?”

“Not a huge fan. Why-“

“Then this is probably your cue to leave. Once again, sorry about the car thing. And thanks for talking to me.”

“No problem… Giant snakes?”

“Better not to worry about it. Do you remember where the door is?”

“Yeah”, I get up to leave, but turn around one last time.

“You should tell him”, I say. “Tell your angel you love him.”

**Author's Note:**

> Crossovers always feel so niche but I NEEDED this to happen. The fact that the Carry On characters use Crowley as a swear is just too perfect!
> 
> Please do leave a comment if you liked it!


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